Summer holidays - "yay!" or "argh!" ?

The long summer holiday are upon us and I know this fills some with dread and panic and others with a huge feeling of relief.

Six weeks is a long time, and although most of us look forward to a break (from the annoying alarm call to begin the mad morning school dash, the headache of trying to remember a variety of school events through the year and the myriad of essentials the little darlings need for said events, the exhausting flurry of after-school activities ensuring each child is in the right place at the right time), some of us despair as we wonder what to do to keep the children amused.

Over recent years, our British summers have been not-so-summery, which adds to the problem - not only do you have all your children in one place, but often stuck under the same roof looking out the window on to yet another grey, wet day.

Usually, having a large family is a good thing, plenty of others to play with, but unfortunately it seems a couple of weeks in the novelty has worn off and fighting ensues, and being stuck indoors does not  help the problem. And I haven't found this getting easier as the kids get older, sometimes it's worse!

When mine were younger, it was hard to juggle keeping the older ones amused whilst keeping the baby's needs met - no, mummy can't get out the paints/play duck, duck goose, she's feeding DS3! All I could do was let them know that when DS3 was fed/nappy changed/put down for a nap, then we could do something together. Just make sure you do as promised otherwise they won't believe you next time! I found the best thing about the holidays was the removal of the time restraints - I didn't have to clock watch to get everyone ready to pick up DS1 from school or DS2 from nursery, so if we started a painting session at 2.30pm it didn't matter!

If the weather was too wet to go outside I would keep them entertained with a few crafty activities, broken up with their favourite tv programmes (especially if I had to focus attention on baby at the time) - thank goodness for the little black box! Sometimes I would have an urge to bake and let the older ones "help" - yes it got messy and needed patience but they loved it! When they got older and the marvellous invention of the Wii arrived, I encouraged them to play the active games on it to get them moving and get some exercise when they couldn't play outside. There were lots of "challenge" type games (boxing, tennis, running) where they could get rid of some excess energy. 

Lego bricks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We would also have movie afternoons with popcorn, drawing sessions, playing Lego (yes, I would join in too - I love Lego!) - just think of stuff your kids like doing and join in, they love it when mum plays too! Housework and chores can be fitted in around the activities, after all it's our holiday too!

If the weather was fine then we would spend a lot of time in the garden or going for walks in the beautiful area of Ashridge. The boys loved finding sticks to thrash the bracken or build camps and DD was happy in the buggy and later would join in with her brothers. We had many lovely picnics in Ashridge or at Ashridge monument, with family and friends, and it made for a fairly cheap day out.

In the garden, I bought a sandpit which DS1 absolutely loved (and got a bit miffed when DS2 came along and he had to share!), and for DS2's second birthday a purchase of a small plastic climbing frame with tunnel was a big hit as he was much more active than DS1.

We also invested in a small wooden playhouse which they all enjoyed for years, not only serving as a play area but somewhere to keep the ever-growing number of outside toys! It's still standing now, having survived a house move and move of position in the garden, 12 years later!

Now the children are older, I really enjoy the holidays - the boys are quite capable of making their own breakfast, watching tv or playing Lego until 8am when they're allowed to check I'm awake and ask to play on their iPod or iPad games, and even DD will happily join her brothers without coming in to ask mummy first (admittedly after many explanations that "it is the holidays and we don't need to get up for school and it would be nice to let mummy, daddy and her brothers have a lie-in"!) The purchase of a Gro Clock has been really useful so I can change the settings for the sun to "come up" at 7.30am instead of 7am so she knows when she can go and see if anyone else is up! 

Then, even if I am awake at 8am, I can really stay in bed as long as I like, knowing the kids will come and ask me if they need anything, but for the most part they are all happy playing downstairs until I'm ready to jump in the shower.

And I love that feeling in the holidays of being free from clock watching - lunch happens when we're hungry, if I start a chore at 2.30pm then I am safe in the knowledge I'll be able to finish it instead of being interrupted and then forgotten as I leave to pick up from school and ferry kids to different places before getting back to organise tea. Even the evenings are less rushed - if the kids have tea late then they'll go to bed a bit later and it doesn't matter because they don't need to get up for school the next day. All the pressure of making sure the routines are stuck to in term time so everyone gets fed and bathed and enough hours sleep is gone and we can relax a bit!

So the 6 weeks holiday in my house will be filled with having fun, rest and relaxation - but probably interspersed with a few arguments as well, after all we are far from perfect!

Camp building after a picnic in Ashridge

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Like Riding a Bike...

As I've already mentioned, I love children of all ages, and I'm always happy to help my friends with their kids, especially now I'm child-free in the day. I've 'been there, done that' so know how invaluable an extra pair of hands is! I love my friends' toddlers with their unique personalities and even their incessant questioning about the world around them - I always try to answer their questions, mainly because I don't have to listen to them all day every day! I also enjoy the more grown-up conversations I have with both my older children and that of my friends.

But the area I think I'm the most useful for help and advice is for parents of newborns, especially first time.

When I fell pregnant with my first child, I dutifully went to all the pregnancy classes, read countless magazines and books about birth and babies, and even found an American television programme about labour and giving birth, just so I was fully prepared. But, as most new mums will tell you, you are never really prepared for the reality!

I really thought I understood that I would have sleepless nights, no time to myself, be in demand 24 hours a day once my bundle of joy arrived and that I would cope, after all I saw lots of parents doing it, but it was much harder than I ever imagined.

Firstly, I didn't appreciate that I would be trying to recover from a difficult birth at the same time as caring for a newborn (stupid, I know). How can you let your body recover if you are in constant demand?
I was breastfeeding so couldn't even hand feeding times over to DH, and it was every 2 hours in the first few weeks which in turn led to all manner of soreness (I won't go into details, I'm sure some of you ladies know what I mean!).

I also didn't appreciate that I couldn't actually feed myself when I was feeding DS1, and there were numerous "doh!" occasions when I settled down with son nicely latched only to see the remote for the tv on the other side of the room!

I was very lucky, however, that my mum lived twenty minutes away so, when DH went back to work, she came over regularly to make sure I was fed and watered too, and would hold DS1 so I could have a nap (I know, there are lots of reports/people who think you should always put a baby down in their cot to sleep, but they sleep deeper and longer in someone's arms and sleep training can wait. In my experience it made no difference in the end and, if I knew mum was holding my baby, I relaxed and was able to sleep myself, which, frankly, was more important.)

I remember a week after DS1 was born, wanting to take a stroll round the block with my new swanky buggy but having a blind panic about how I would actually do it! Upon mentioning this to mum, she quickly said she'd come too which immediately took the pressure off, and so, half an hour later (it took that long to get both myself and baby ready) I was feeling the sun on my face and an amazing sense of achievement! Since then and three more children later, I remember those early days and smile at my inexperience and fears, as when DS3 came along I thought nothing of marching through town with baby in the buggy, DS2 in reins and one eye on DS1 as he skipped just ahead of us. I even managed to get shopping done as well!

DD aged 18 months

When DD finally started primary school and I "found myself" again,
I missed not being able to use the skills I had gained over the last 11 years so started thinking about what job would use my hard-earned qualification of full time mum of 4.





Whilst waiting for a doctor's appointment with my mum last year, we found ourselves near the midwife's room and a couple with a newborn in a carry seat were sitting opposite. The baby started to cry just as the midwife came out to talk to them and I saw the hesitation and slightly unsure look on the mum's face as she didn't know whether to deal with baby or let her cry.
My instant reaction was to leap up to help, but knew an offer from a random stranger to hold their baby may look a tad creepy, so I resisted!
But it got me thinking that I could be really good at offering help to new parents with their babies.

Photo credit: Shira Golding)

A quick search on the internet when I got home and I found the title for such a job was a doula, or post-pregnancy doula as I wouldn't be helping with the actual birth. According t'internet, I needed no formal qualifications, my own experience of having four children was enough, and, as you cared for the baby with the parent and never took the child out of the house alone, there was no need for the same checks and strict rules that childminding requires.

As luck would have it, my cousin was in the last month of her first pregnancy when they moved to the next town, and when she voiced her fears to my mum about her impending motherhood, we thought it would be the perfect opportunity to trial my possible new career.

So, after a couple of informal meetings to discuss what my cousin wanted me to help with and roughly what hours, I excitedly waited for news of baby's arrival.

After letting mum and dad bond with their new baby for the first week, I popped round for a short visit to meet baby and check when she would need me to come to help out properly. It seemed appropriate to start when her husband finished his paternity leave and she'd had a couple of days on her own to see when I would be most useful.

When I started, I was conscious of letting my cousin largely take care of baby herself, and would only intervene when I saw she was struggling, or offer advice where needed. Fortunately she had quite a laid back attitude to parenting so we got along well. I would always make it clear that it was entirely up to her what she did with my advice, I was certainly not being judgemental. Although I had numerous years of experience, at the end of day this was her baby and she had every right to bring up her child as she saw fit!

As her husband worked at the weekends, he was at home Mondays and Tuesdays, and she often went to her parents' house for the weekend, so I was only needed two days a week for a couple of hours but this was always made flexible as babies patterns are constantly changing. My main role was taking care of baby so my cousin could have a nap if it had been a particularly bad night, or catching up with washing (babies go through a heck of a lot of clothes!), and, as the weeks went by, I accompanied her to the shops or out for a coffee so she wasn't worried about being on her own if baby kicked up a fuss (as it was, baby slept the whole way anyway!)
I felt my role was that of an auntie or granny, to assist where needed until the mother felt confident to go it alone. I offered tips on nappy changing, bathing baby, helped with transferring from breast to bottle (mum was to return to work), and general health concerns that all new parents worry about, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I was a little worried I wouldn't remember how to look after a baby but of course it all came flooding back, you never forget!

Unfortunately, DH's work was too busy for me to advertise my role properly, so I am now just hoping for opportunities arising from word of mouth through friends, but I can definitely see that being a doula is perfect for me - what could be better than cuddling newborns for a few hours and then handing them back?!!

My DS, 1, 2, and 3, all grown up

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Thoughts of the Day

Remembering a conversation I had with my good friend at the weekend, I wanted to share our conversation in case it is of any help to parents of young ones out there.

She was apologising again for the behaviour of her youngest two (5 years and 3 years old, boy and girl respectively), although quite unnecessarily. The boy was having a whinge with tears over something he wanted to do/have even though he'd been told several times "no", a scene very familiar with all parents I'm sure. To be fair, it wasn't the first time he threw a wobbly over the course of the weekend and mum was, quite understandably, getting quite fed up with it. I felt she dealt with it very well, calmly taking the child to one side to talk to. Upon her return and apologising once again, we chatted about why he started all this "crying like a baby" recently.

DD being spoilt at Christmas

As a third party, I could see a pattern that I was familiar with. Like her, I had three boys followed by a girl. Much loved as my boys are, I was very happy to have a daughter, if only to balance the boy/girl ratio out - I myself have three brothers so there is an abundance of males in our family! Of course, being the first and only girl I went slightly overboard in the baby girl clothes and toy sections of shops so she was totally spoilt.






When she got to walking and talking age, I watched her interaction with her brothers with interest.
Children are so quick to realise that certain behaviour breeds certain reactions, and she understood at a young age that being the youngest meant she could get away with things that her brothers never could.
Naturally, you would favour the younger child if they wanted a toy their sibling was playing with, the older one being told to "share".
The older ones were always asked to help their younger sister, to protect her and look after her, and it probably seemed in their eyes that she got her own way all the time whereas the parents just wanted a quiet life! The youngest obviously needs more doing for them because of their age, but, from another child's point of view it seems that their sister is just receiving all the attention. So they do whatever necessary to get their parents' attention back on them and even it is negative, it is still better than none at all.

So how did my friend's 5 year old get some of the attention back to him, the way it was before baby sister arrived? Seeing that crying seemed to have the desired effect, it's not surprising he used this as a tool to get his parents' attention, which is the conclusion my friend's DH came to.

It is hard for a young child to cope with the arrival of a new sibling so try to make sure they still get as much attention as the youngest when at home. After all, during the day when the older ones are at school, the youngest gets a few hours of you all to themselves.
If the younger one is always taking the older one's toys, try to intercept before it happens by offering them something else. Prevention is better than cure!
My friend also complained that the kids never listened to her instruction, and I remembered a trick my mum used to use when she was running the Montessori school - gently place your hands on either side of the child's face so they have to look at you whilst you talk and this will make sure you have their full attention.
And try not to always favour the youngest - they have to learn too sometimes!

I hope my friend and DH do not still feel bad about their children's behaviour - it is a perfectly normal stage of children's development. They are both fantastic parents, and it will improve as the children get older. Then we'll have a whole host of new problems to deal with!

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Post-holiday lessons learnt, hints and tips!

Packed car-not ours! (Photo credit: XPeria2Day)

After several reminders to my dear children about  their packing, I actually only needed to find DS2's second pair of socks, the others amazingly did as told, so I stuffed each pile of clothes into a sports bag (I finally let go of my compulsive urge to iron recently, realising it was pointless  with my boys - the clothes looked crumpled again after five minutes of wearing anyway! Now I only iron select items and my ironing pile no longer resembles Mount Everest) and gathered together the rest of the packing. 

Approaching the packing like a game of Tetris, I managed to get everything in including four fold-up chairs, 3 boogie boards, six bath towels and six beach towels, three large sports bags of clothes and toiletries, a box of food and necessaries, a box of alcohol (to be shared with our friends who were also going!), a picnic basket, two bags of shoes (one was just for me!), and all the blankets, cuddly toys and pillows that the kids wanted to bring!

I'm pleased to report that DD did not disappear under a pile of belongings and I didn't forget anything essential.

Upon arriving at the site, discovered that they had managed to put our friends in the same area as requested earlier in the week, only three caravans down, so a great start. We have visited many different Park Resort sites over the years and must say we have always found the staff friendly and happy to help. They encourage guests to name members of staff who shine and this scheme really works to create a great customer service - credit given where credit due.

Our caravan was clean and spacious with a large living room and a second toilet, much needed with a large family! The layout of this caravan was better than some of the other ones we've stayed in - the doors didn't bash together if you left them open, the bathroom was roomy and there seemed to be more storage and handy hooks everywhere for towels, coats and even dressing gowns!

This time, I remembered to bring a bath mat (soggy carpet or wet floor in the bathroom isn't pleasant!), loo roll (you can get it at the site shop but everyone is always dying to go after the journey so better to bring your own!), tea towels, a hand towel for the bathroom. When we arrived, it was raining and had been all day so, even though we took our shoes off, the entrance quickly became wet and dirty and I wished I had brought my much-loved slippers!

We ate our evening meal on site, expecting not to be cheap but it wasn't horrendously expensive either, and let the children have a small, set amount of money to use on the amusements. Our policy is "once it's gone, it's gone" and make it clear they will not get more - ours tend to stick to the 2p machines so their money lasts longer! They still have fun and most machines deliver extra prizes like key rings or sweets to make it more enjoyable. Whilst they played on the machines we watched the entertainment and allowed them one drink of choice. Once their money had gone, they joined us and we all ended up having a boogie on the dance floor with the free entertainment.

The following day was rather cloudy, so we decided to make Sunday the beach day as the weather was forecast to be better, and headed for the pier so the kids could go on the rides.






After a confab with our friends, we decided the wristbands would be the best option. Even thought they were £10 per child, they could go on all the rides as many times as they wanted and wouldn't be pestering us for money or leaving us faffing about with tickets. There were plenty of benches to sit and watch them and later when DS1 was less enthusiastic about going on more rides (he did the dodgems ten times over!), put him in charge of DD and retired outside for some sunshine and a drink.

Lunch wasn't too pricey either, £2.50 for a kids meal (drink not included), and a good selection, and we ate on the pier whilst the sun broke through the clouds and the water lapped below us. After lunch we walked to the very end of the pier as a way of letting the food go down before the kids went back on the rides!

At 5pm the wrist bands ran out, so we walked back to the caravans in the sunshine with an ice cream in hand, the children looking tired but happy.

The clouds were clearing nicely so we offered beans on toast or ham sandwiches for tea which we had brought with us and they played football outside until the sun set. There was a band playing in the evening at the clubhouse so we headed over to take a look but didn't stay long as the kids were so tired. It kept our spending to a minimum! (We sat outside after putting the kids to bed as it was still warm, drink in hand from the supply we had brought!)

We woke to glorious blue skies on Sunday as promised by Mr Weatherman, so, after breakfast from our supplies in the caravan, everyone helped carry supplies to the beach - even the little ones took buckets and spades.
Setting up camp in a good spot, we made ourselves comfy in the fold-up chairs and watched the kids enjoying themselves. We had fish and chips for lunch (not cheap but the portions were enormous so everyone shared) and had brought our own drinks and sauce to keep costs to a minimum. There was the obligatory ice cream in the afternoon but the rest of the day was cost free. Obviously, the weather ensured a relatively cheap day out and in this country you can never rely on it, but we always seem to get at least one day of good weather.
I was glad I had packed the boogie boards as the older boys used them a lot, and although finding room in the car for the buckets and spades was tricky, it saved spending more money when we got there and kept the younger ones amused.

So, a great weekend was had by all, and after adding it all up it came to about £350 (including the caravan) which I didn't think was too bad - prices for caravans alone in the summer are going for the same amount for a lower grade caravan. Holidaying in the UK can be very costly and we always feel it's not worth it as you cannot guarantee the weather so I would advise looking for last minute bookings when the weather ahead looks good, or keeping an eye out for special offers. Caravan sites know people aren't going to book if the weather is poor so they try hard to entice you to go! Try to bring as much as you can food, drink or entertainment wise, then you won't have unexpected costs, and have contingency plans for free activities if the weather misbehaves. We had discussed bringing wellies and coats if we weren't lucky so we could still go to the beach!

Happy holidaying!

Disclaimer I was not paid to write this post and all the views are my own